Monday, January 28, 2008

3:30 am brain

OK so it is now 5.21 am in the morning. I have been up since 3.30am. Can't sleep, don't you hate those nights when your brain is thinking about a million things you wish you would, could and should do. This is how my brain would look right now on paper.


So instead of laying there and thinking about it I figured I would get up and type it out for the world to see and maybe that would help me a little be a little more accountable for these thoughts.
So I signed up for this happy mail thing on SIStv, so excited. You get a partner and you two send each other notes, cards, etc. for the next two months. I love mail. So then also you get a list of the 50+ girls with addys to mail random cards to through out the months, so fun, I think, I could easly make and send each girl a card, no prob with staying home all day. Then it hits me yea right, I talk big, but will it happen, will I send each girl a happy thought.
Come on heather you are home all day, have plenty of time to do ALL housework plus more ,but I don't . Why is this I ask myself, why can't I do all the things I should be doing and more, I have the time. How hard is it really to sweep, vaccuum, do dishes and cook meals. I just never seem to have the energy or the drive to do it. I am so tired of these ugly colored walls, the same stupid food I cook every week, the same routine over and over.
I even made a clipboard to hang on my fridge to help me remember what kind of stuff to do everyday, do I use it, no. Do you ever feel like your life is stuck.
No don't get me wrong, love my family and love my life, I just wish I could get a system and have fun with it, stick to it, enjoy being a stay at home mom. Just never seem to. I get all these ideas and try them for a week or so and then they fade away into the distance.
GRRR! OK I think I have said all that is floating around in my brain. It didn't help to get it out, my brain is still thinking, but at least it is here and maybe having it out and on paper computer I can come back and read these thoughts and it will push my butt into gear.

Thanks for staying with me for the long post. WOuld love to here what you do to make it through and get it all done.


Wendy said...

i know exactly where you are at!!! i stayed at home for a year and i think my soul rotted a little bit. I LOVE MY KIDS but i just felt like my life had no purpose but laundry and cooking and cleaning. i got a part time job in the evenings (just 3 hrs a nite) and it made all the difference in the WORLD! i got out of the house and got to be by myself and feel like a productive citizen again (not like i wasnt one before) anyway thats what helped me :) good luck!

scrap {n} flava said...

ok- are you like my twin or something! I swear that on a daily basis i think about the same things! I am so tired of not getting myself into gear. i have the time too of course, i'm a sahm also.
i tried to do this chore chart for my kids where they both had chores for every day of the week and for every chore done they get tickets [i even made the tickets] and not to mention, they were super excited about this because they could save up their tickets [like cash] and then turn them in for movie nights or toys n stuff. i thought it was brilliant- do yo think we utilize this system? no, and only because there is so much to do and here i sit ahalf the day- so once the evening comes around i am so busy running around the house to complete what i didn't complete all day- that i completely forget to remind them to check the chart. AND i am a sucker so i buy them toys and take them to the movies even if their chores aren't done.

maybe we should put our heads together to figure this out! lol.

but we all know that we should start in the morning with a little workout- but blogging and surfing SIS is so much more appealing huh?

Beth said...

I feel ya'. I really feel ya'. I don't know how to get myself out of it either. If I come up with anything, I'll let you know.

Kate said...

I hear you loud and clear! A while ago I did this...I've since fallen off the wagon...but my house was much cleaner then!!

I typed out a M-F list on the computer and had one or two easy jobs each day...for example, M-clean bathrooms T-clean out fridge and microwave W- mop etc (I'm just making this crap would have to made it work for you). Anyway...sure makes it easier than having one day where you feel like you have to clean the whole house. And if you do your job first thing in the morning you're done for the day. Okay now I'm motivated to make a new list for me!!! LOL!

And I have four kids...I do one load of wash every day. No more ever and if I get caught up I sometimes can take a day off. My kids help me fold and put away. But doing laundry every day is a big saver for me...b/c it never piles up into that overwhelming nightmare!!

Good luck!

LesleyC said...

Oh my goodness this is so me too! I totally hear you. And last year when both my kiddies were at school I still didnt get organised!

That Girl said...

I so feel you. I get to work from home one day a week and sometimes, I get so much done and other times, I get nothing done. AND I have no kids or real "responsibilities" going on there. I just need a system too. Like the other four days a week, I know when I need to be somewhere and for how long, but Friday is so free form...just doesn't work for me. I need structure! lol

Carrie said...

I feel ya. I always just try to do a section of the house a day. I plan dinner in the morning and shop only once a week, usually Mondays. (Sometimes it doesn't always work that way but thats life.) I love the Everyday Food mags by Martha they have great easy recipes and easy to shop from lists at the beginning of each section and the back of he mag too. Then when the kid naps I usually spend that time for me scrapping or doing whatever. We all need time for ourselves.

nancy said...

I so know how you feel. I get so tired of doing the same tasks over and over and over. It makes me feel like what I do is of no value because tomorrow it will be back in the same mess it was today.

What I am trying to do is let go of guilt. If I do well one day, great. If I don't another day, beating myself up about what I DIDN'T do only makes me feel worse. It's shooting myself in the foot.

And sometimes when I do let go of the guilt, it's amazing how much better I feel. Sometimes enough better that I get that energy to do more. Instead of using the energy to hate on myself, it can be used other ways. Letting go of guilt is I think the hardest but most effective tool. Good luck.

SpAzzGiRL said...

maybe like me you have a little adult ADD?? I easily get bored and always have the best intention to do stuff but have trouble with the 'ol follow tru.
Good luck on the mail thing, sounds lovely to get some goodies!

PLO said...

Obviously you pulled this out of my brain. Maybe you, scrap n flava and I are triplets. I have those nights that I cannot sleep because my mind is going through all of these things I need to do, and sometimes good ideas that never come to fruition. Then I will be home on Sunday going from room to room never accomplishing anything and the house never getting cleaner, me never getting organized, me never getting to my crafts ...I am here for you.

Mandy said...

I hear ya! I'm not a SHM but I feel like alot.

Danielle said...

i am just the same! but it is even harder when you have a husband who is (at times...ok MOST of the time) messier then your kids. you know when he was gone for 3 months my house was clean and i was actually getting organized! not that he is back i have no energy to clean and i sleep in all morning and stay up to late. dad said mom did the same thing when he was gone. weird!

but when i move up there you will be at my house most of the time anyway so there wont be much of a mess at your house to!

Heather said...

i am so looking forward to happy mail too! it will be so fun.

and i am also with you on getting stuff done. if i could just get off my butt, my house could sparkle. have you ever tried flylady. she rocks. i know she had the answer for me. it's just figuring out how to motivate myself. sigh. one day at a time.

MAMA said...

hmmm....that's what my e-book is about. but in short...on sunday night sit down and plan your week around your appointments etc. Jot them down in pencil (what you want to accomplish) so you can move things around if need be. this makes a huge difference.